Articles

Some Jokes

In Jokes on March 3, 2008 by David

  • One

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

“I have and idea, boss,” his chauffeur said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.”

Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”

When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur’s cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool.

Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”

  • Two

There are four engineers traveling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer. The car breaks down.

“Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We’ll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again”, says the mechanical engineer.

“Well”, says the chemical engineer, “it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system.”

“I thought it might be an grounding problem”, says the electrical engineer, “or maybe a faulty plug lead.”

They all turn to the computer engineer who has said nothing and say: “Well, what do you think?”

“Ummm – perhaps if we all get out of the car and get back in again?”

  • Three

Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation. “How’d you die?” the first man asks the second.

“I froze to death,” says the second. “That’s awful, how does it feel to freeze to death?” says the first.

“It’s very uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it’s a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you’re sleeping.

How did you die?” says the second. “I had a heart attack”, says the first guy.
“You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly.

I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting.
I ran down to the basement, bot no one was hiding there.
I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either.
I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died.”

The second man shakes his head. “that’s so ironic” he says.
“What do you mean?” asks the first man “If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we’d both still be alive.”

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One Response to “Some Jokes”

  1. DAVID you’re logged on on my computer teeheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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