Articles

In flight

In Jokes on December 19, 2009 by David

Dear Mr. Airplane Planner,

Poop on you. I want to take this opportunity to describe a particularly interesting experience that I have had on your wonderful contraption. I believe this experience is not unique to me, as I have shared a few knowing glances with the passengers around me. In a constructive mood, I want to suggest a novel alternative to the current model.

You know what I’m talking about, right? That’s right. We’re on the same wavelength. I’m talking about the raw power – and responsibility – that comes with the reclining chair in the economy section. In particular, the gross abuse of power by the class of passengers I affectionately call Sleeping Beauties.

Ok. Cat’s out of the bag. This is an enormous international problem and we can’t keep putting Band-Aids on this critical issue. This is a topic that’s even bigger than healthcare – after all, it’s international in scope. This is like climate control. Not limited to just domestic flights, I fear what might happen if a Palestinian sleeping beauty sits in front of Israeli diplomat. It’s a ticking timebomb. This is not a Republican issue or a Democratic issue, as the threat of Sleeping Beauties is present in first class as it is in economy class. America is united in this travesty,

Instead of granting every chair have this reclining function, maybe we can have it so that only certain rows can recline. We can have some rows with all reclined chairs and some rows without the reclining function.  At the very least, can we have people sign sworn affidavits, promising not to recline, during check-in?  That way, you don’t pwn the passengers that want to have an upright chair by have to sit behind a Sleeping Beauty. Let’s call this hypothetical passenger “David”. As David sits here typing on his laptop, he is forced to have his monitor lie parallel to the seat in front, a full 45 degrees from the vertical. He looks at the empty space between the upright and outstanding citizen two seats ahead and the Sleeping Beauty right directly in front, and dreams of a more perfect world. With sleeping beauties stacked in front of one another, no space would be wasted and David can get back to critically important task at hand – watching House MD on his computer.

Heck, you can even call these rows “Sleeping Rows” and charge a premium for this special function – with today’s economy, no fee is too draconian, right? After all, reclining is a privilege, not a right. Nowhere in the constitution is there an inalienable right to be at 45 degrees to the vertical. I bet even the most adamant libertarian would recognize the immense social benefit to this radical change, especially after a few flights behind Sleeping Beauty.

That’s right. Be bold. Rock the boat. Dare to be the attendant that proclaims “chairs in full upright position please.” Change the entrenched social perception that upright chairs are for take-off and landing only. WWJD? Not recline. Take a stand, and thousands of road-weary road-warriors will thank you.
An upright citizen,
David Ouyang

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2 Responses to “In flight”

  1. You were watching House MD on your flight? I was watching House MD on my flight.

    • Haha dude, this season is actually really good. I really really liked the first episode, the minimovie, and that got me back to watching it again.

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