Articles

Goodness, life is so bittersweet.

In Uncategorized on March 30, 2011 by David

 

It’s amazing how quickly this past year and semester has passed by. I always thought medical school will take forever, but in less than a blink of an eye, it seems like first year is almost over.

This past year, in some ways have been a struggle for me. The first year of any change has always been both a good and bad experience for me. During my first year at Rice, I was really excited to be in college, but past the initial rush of “wow, I’m in college now”, I was kind of floundering. I didn’t really know if I had found a group of people I fit in with and I was not sure what my place was on campus. During the end of senior year, I was really ready to leave – to move on, grow, and explore new places, but towards the end of freshman fall, I was really beginning to miss my high school friends. High school was so much fun – and even though I worked hard, I really enjoyed all those random nights playing video games, playing bughouse, randomly going to gym, doing nothing and wondering where the time went. I didn’t indulge in that as much as I could have, but I really enjoyed the experience and the friends I made there.

During the first part of Rice, I wasn’t sure if I would find the same kind of community and friendship there. College wasn’t that new of an experience – I went to a boarding high school – so I was used to staying up late and having lots of free time. In some ways, I was caught up in my academic ambitions, so I was too focused and didn’t have that many classes in common with most of my peers and didn’t really felt I fit in. But as a result of these factors, I began to doubt my college choice. Was I really where I was meant to be? Was I where I needed to be and where I would be happiest? I could have gone where I knew a ton of people and could still hang out with the same group of people. I could have gone somewhere completely new, completely far from Texas and start over anew. But in the end, I chose to stay in Houston and be close to home. After going to boarding school, I really recognized and relished the opportunity to be close to my parents and my sister. Looking back, it was a really good decision for me – I was able to stay close to my parents and watch my little sister grow up, but at the end of freshman year at Rice, I wasn’t so sure. I didn’t really feel like I knew people too well, wasn’t sure who to hang out, and often went home on weekends during the first semester.

In some ways, this path parallels this year at UCSF. I am unfortunately the kind of person who wonders and thinks that the grass is greener on the other side. Don’t get me wrong, UCSF is an amazing place. I’ve met some very amazing people, got to learn and experience so many wonderful experiences, and have a great group of friends, but I sometimes wonder what it would be like if I stayed in Houston and just stuck with what I’m used to. This feeling was perhaps amplified by the fact that this past week, I went back to Houston for spring break. It was awesome to see all the CCF and other people that are still at Rice. I really enjoyed playing basketball, grabbing food with people, and just randomly hanging out. I remember thinking, Houston is actually not that bad – I could think about coming back here for residency.

But even as I thought that, I wondered. Would I come back for residency? Being gone for a year, I already see that people have gotten closer and changed – I’ve already missed out on a ton of inside jokes; wouldn’t the changes be even more poignant after a few years? Would there even be a group of friends in Houston in a couple of years? It just happens to be that a lot of my friends are still at Rice and graduating this year – will it be even the same in a few years? 4 years down to line, it just happens that a large group of my high school friends are here in the Bay Area, whether that’s due to luck, chance, or something greater, that’s up to your interpretation. Would it mean the same to me in a few years?

Anyways, I am confident that I made a good choice for medical school, and I will find a niche here. I am sure I will grow to love this place as well, and if I ever leave this place, will miss it. I am just slower at adjusting. Back to studying!

 

 

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